Before you begin, make sure you are relaxed sitting or lying down. Make sure there are no physical threats and that you feel safe. Take a few breaths, allowing your breathing to deepen and expand as much as is comfortable without too much effort. The idea is to remain within your comfort zone through the entire exercise. If you touch on something that seems too activating or too painful, STOP. You don’t have to work with that right now. If you begin to feel overwhelmed or flooded, STOP. Work only with what feels manageable in the moment. Remember you can always stop, you can always get professional help or compassionate support. As you continue working, your comfort zone will expand, but it’s important to work at the pace set by your nervous system.
Coming Back to You
The truth is that those closest to our hearts accept us for who we are. They meet us as equally as possible, supporting us, cheering us on and contributing to our success when possible. They want us to succeed and they make sure we know it. We negotiate for what we need and there is a true give and take. We don’t give and give and give without appreciation or credit. Those that love us accept us the way we are. If they truly want someone physically different, they should not be in a relationship with us. They didn’t settle for us, nor did we settle for them. We choose our relationships, and continue to choose them. You can’t drive someone to cheat – cheating is a decision. A bad one. You are never to blame for it.
Another truth is that you’ve become an expert at many things to keep your narcissist happy. Even if you haven’t held down a job, I guarantee that you have gained skills and capabilities. It is time to rediscover and own these talents. Practicing these exercises will help you connect to yourself and begin to rebuild.
Exercise 1: Coming back to yourself