It is very important to begin the process of rebuilding self-worth. Like us, we are sure you are quite a functional person trying to fulfill the demands of your narcissist. You have probably over-functioned raising the kids while doing more than a full-time job because how could a narcissist be bothered to take time away from his pursuits to raise children? Sofie’s narcissist did not want children, but Paula’s did. Paula is truly amazing! Through her marriage, she not only single handly maintained three households; she raised successful kids, maintained a wonderful network of friends, and as if that weren’t enough, she ran a company! It might surprise you to realize that everyone in your support network can see how amazing you are, even if you can’t. Let’s change that.
Begin: Take a little time and sit down comfortably with a journal. Make a list of all the things that you have been doing for your family and your narcissist above and beyond what you are doing in your life. For example: are you running the household or a company? Holding down two jobs to make ends meet? Keeping the family schedule and shuttling children to after school activities? Doing all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning? Taking care of aging or sick parents or relatives? Managing staff, volunteering or remodeling? Helping your narcissist professionally? Include everything that you have taken responsibility for because your narcissist did not want to do it, or expected you to do it.
Continue: Next, make a list of all the things you gave up doing for your narcissist. List the things you used to do that made you happy before the narcissist. You may have given them up because your narcissist didn’t like these things, judged them, or discouraged you from doing them. You may have given them up because you didn’t have time once you did everything for everyone else. It’s time to reclaim YOU.
Finish: Finally, create a list of the wonderful things about you that your friends and loved ones say. If your friends are only those that are friends of your narcissist, go back to what your own friends used to say to you. Keep your list handy and read it often.
Exercise 1: Coming back to yourself